


No More Losing the War

by TheWaywardLady



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, BAMF Women, BAMF!Jemma, Codependency, Dark, F/M, Mental Instability, Minor Character Death, Minor Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-09-24
Updated: 2014-09-24
Packaged: 2018-02-18 16:16:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 837
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2354714
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheWaywardLady/pseuds/TheWaywardLady
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <em>Looking down on empty streets all she can see</em>
  <br/><em> Are the dreams all made solid</em>
  <br/><em> Are the dreams all made real </em>
</p>
<p>  <em>All of the building, all of those cars</em><br/><em> Were once just a dream</em><br/><em> In somebody's head </em></p>
<p>  <em>She pictures the broken glass, she pictures the steam</em><br/><em> She pictures a soul</em><br/><em> With no leak at the steam</em></p>
            </blockquote>





	1. She Pictures the Broken Glass

**Author's Note:**

> Spoilers for s02e01 AoS, and from there on diverges from canon.  
> I just had a lot of feels after that episode and this is the product of that.  
> I apologize for any major OOC-ness and excessive comma usage. But I am not sorry for BAMF!Jemma.  
> Lyrics in the description are from Mercy Street by Fever Ray. Title is borrowed from No More Losing the War by Half Moon Run.  
> It's unbeta'd.  
> I don't own any of these characters. I don't own anything except the way I arranged the words below.  
> 

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She’s no longer “Jemma.” Now, she simply goes by Simmons.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There will be a few chapters, and most will be much longer than this first chapter. Also, the events in this first chapter will be explained in latter chapters and yeah, it will make sense later on. This is really just an introduction. The real stuff starts next chap.

She used to be a biochemist. She used to be a _scientist_.

She’s not anymore.

Sure, she stills knows how to be a scientist. It’s not like she’s suddenly forgotten all her years at the Academy or all the things she's learned during her time on Earth. It’s just that, well, she doesn’t feel like she can call herself that because of the gun in her hand and the body at her feet.

Jemma Simmons is a killer.

Yes, the man was an agent of Hydra, and yes, he’d been trying to kill her. But that doesn’t stop the guilt from invading her body or stop her hand from shaking. But it also won’t stop her from killing anyone who purposefully gets in her way.

However, Simmons doesn’t succumb to the guilt. That’s another thing. She’s no longer “Jemma.” Now, she simply goes by Simmons.

Simmons steps over the body and lays her gun down on the table in front of her. Then, taking a deep breath, she opens the old wooden chest, resisting the urge to run away. She doesn’t, though, and that’s what counts. Instead, she stuffs her gun into her bag, closes and grabs the chest, and returns the way she came.

Jemma Simmons is a killer but she’s doing this for a reason. And in her opinion, there’s no better reason.

She’s doing this for Fitz.


	2. She Pictures the Steam

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Seeing them is like a punch to the gut.

She walks down the street with her head held high and her boots clicking on the hard concrete. Her entire attire is black, from her knee-high boots to her skinny jeans to her jacket. Her brown hair is short, just barely touching her chin, and the black duffel back strapped across her back bounces with every step. Her brown eyes dart around, quick and assessing.

Simmons is not the same girl she was a few months ago.

She’s had to change. She’s had to _evolve_. This is who she is now. She’s a girl with a knife hidden in her boot and a gun underneath her jacket. She’s a girl with a dangerous object stowed away in her bag that could be used as a weapon to kill people.

She’s still Simmons, so of course that’s not what she’s going to use it for. But she’s no longer Jemma either.

When she reaches the end of the street, she pauses on the corner. Simmons glances around before leaning against the nearest building, trying to act casual. She pulls out a phone from her pocket and pretends to mess with it, like any modern day twenty-year-old. Really, though, she’s watching the street out of the corner of her eye and she’s waiting for something.

A few minutes later, a black SUV pulls up and parks itself by the curb across the street. Then, two figures are emerging from the vehicle. Seeing them is like a punch to the gut.

There’s Melinda May running at full speed in the direction opposite of Simmons, and oh, god, there’s _Skye_ , trailing after her. Skye with bangs and with a hard look in her eyes, and Simmons feels a bad feeling settle in the pit of her stomach. She’s missed too much.

When she left, she told them that it’d be better without her there. Fitz would get better without her around. Simmons has no idea if that’s true or not, but she had to give them a reason.

The real reason is much more complicated and selfish.

Simmons left because she had to. If she had stayed, she would have broken both Fitz and herself beyond repair. Every time she looked at him, all she could feel was an overwhelming sense of guilt.

So she packed up her bags and left. She left without even telling Fitz goodbye.

She left on a personal mission. There was no way that she could cure Fitz in a lab. Simmons knows that she’s smart, but she’s not that smart. But there’s alien technology in the world, and Simmons was determined to find something that would help Fitz. She made a vow to herself that she wouldn’t return to her friends until she found something.

As Melinda and Skye disappear out of sight, Simmons steps forward. She tries to casually wander over to the SUV, and stops by it, staring at her phone. She drops her phone, pretending that it’s an accident, and leans down to pick it up…

… And attaches a small device underneath the SUV.

She picks up the phone and straightens up before walking away. Simmons doesn’t stop or turn around until she’s at least one city block away and she’s turned a corner. Then, she throws the phone into the nearest trash can and ducks into the nearest café. Simmons finds a seat in a corner and takes her real phone out of her pocket. She turns it on and patiently waits.

Sooner than she expected, there’s activity on her phone. She can’t resist smiling as she tracks the movement of the SUV on the GPS.

It won’t be long now.


End file.
